For many years, I operated my life under fear of other people and didn’t even realize it. I was afraid of upsetting people... afraid of angering people... afraid of being viewed a certain way by people.
When I got married and had children I had to change. I found out pretty quickly that I wouldn’t be able to keep everyone happy now that I had many more people very intimately interwoven into my life. I had to chose to leave my fear of upsetting people behind me if I wanted to protect my family. I decided I needed to stand for something and that was going to be my family.
This idea transferred over to my music career. When playing a gig with my band, they became my family. I found myself becoming more protective of them, like they were my children. I wanted to provide for them, so I started asking for things that I wouldn’t have before because it seemed selfish. But now that I was fighting for someone else, it didn’t seem so selfish.
I primarily got a “Yes!” as a response. It slowly became more normal to ask for the “next level” stuff. I also realized that it wasn’t necessarily what I was asking, but how I was asking for it.
If you ask from an honest open place, those you are asking can usually sense that and respect it.
I realized the only thing holding me back from asking for things for myself was feeling selfish. But when I did start asking for myself, I found the answer would often be a “Yes” too. I began to realize it wasn’t usually selfish, and if it was selfish, then I wouldn’t ask (but most of the time it actually wasn’t).
I started to realize that I should be caring for myself, as I did my bandmates and family.
We are more deserving than we think. And that’s not a selfish though, that’s just a caring thought. Those chips were for the taking, and if I didn’t ask I never would have had them. And that would have been a shame, because they really complimented my burrito.
To quote Ricky Nelson...
It’s alright now, I learned my lesson well.
You see, you can’t please everyone.
So you gotta please yourself.